We All Need a Helping Hand
Rebecca Lingo • May 1, 2023

While there has been a certain amount of awareness of how COVID has impacted young children, we thought it would be helpful to shift our attention toward those in their elementary and adolescent years. While the impacts may manifest differently, those in the middle of their school years also experienced considerable disruptions from COVID. From increased anxiety and physicality to challenges in social interactions and work engagement, elementary-aged children and adolescents are facing their own share of struggles.


Social Development


Those who experienced the start of the pandemic during their elementary and early adolescent years were at home during a time when developmentally they needed to connect with peers and figure out their social identity. It’s during this time that our kids develop their own sense of individuality within the context of community. This interplay amongst peers allows older children to both develop their ability to communicate with others while processing how their individual actions impact those around them. The result? Our young people begin to learn how to practice empathy for others while also advocating for themselves.


During the lock-downs and distancing from COVID, many children missed out on key formative experiences, like how to join a group, how to invite others into a group, and even how to have positive conversations. Wheaton Montessori School is here to help students navigate these tricky interactions. Our teachers model how to practice these in short acting lessons. Some students watch, some jump in to lead roles, and all benefit from being part of the conversations. Often students need repeat opportunities and real life experience to incorporate these skills into their day to day. In addition to our teachers modeling best practices, our multi-age learning environment provides an opportunity for our younger children to model older students’ respectful behavior as well. This is where high fidelity Montessori classrooms excel. The delicate balance of freedom and responsibility that teachers and our classrooms hold creates natural interactions, real world socializing and accountability.


Children’s awareness of others’ physical space has been impacted, perhaps due to maintaining six feet of distance or even having more time in close proximity to screens. As children have been able to be together again, the boundary line of what is too close or what is too physical is something they are having to rediscover with the guidance of our teachers. These interactions are a daily part of our classrooms. 


Direct instructions and guidance enables children to further develop their social skills as well as creativity. Elementary-age children love to role-play. Acting out different scenarios allows them to build on their creativity and expansive thinking. Conversations with your children and teens about the qualities of a good friend and how to be a good friend to others is another aspect you can help with at home to foster developing friendships and healthy peer interactions.


Our adolescents’ need for social interactions faced a major setback during the pandemic. While wearing masks and socially distancing was beneficial for community health, our students needed extra support to navigate a typical challenge for teens which is to read facial expressions, body language, and tone. Fortunately, for Montessori teachers, social and emotional lessons are one of the underpinnings of our work. Today, we continue emphasizing listening to others’ spoken words and nonverbal communications.


Regulating Emotions & Managing Anxiety


During the elementary age, our children are developing their emotional skills, which provide an important base before young people enter their more tumultuous adolescent years. Major emotional skills mastered during this stage include how to adjust to different rules and social norms for behavior, understand others’ feelings, practice more control and management of emotions, and develop strategies for patience and general adaptability.


In addition to not having as much opportunity to flex these social-emotional muscles, so much was outside of our children’s control during the early COVID years. As a result, more young people have developed increased anxiety, which can manifest in a multitude of ways.


For some children, just the transition into the school building and away from parents or caregivers can cause anxiety to flare up. For others, trying to figure out how to interact with peers in-person can be anxiety-provoking. 


To help, we focus on communication and collaboration. This can range from recognizing and discussing emotions when children are calm, to remaining open and empathetic when strong emotions surface. It’s essential that, as adults, we model emotional regulation so our young people can see how we use coping strategies, like taking deep breaths or stepping away from a situation, rather than just reacting.


We make sure to address our kids’ behavior rather than their emotions. This helps young people understand the distinction between their feelings and their actions. For example, if someone feels angry, that is just a feeling, which is neither good nor bad. However, if someone were to act on that feeling by hitting another person, the behavior of hitting is unacceptable. When we handle disciplinary situations, our responses can help our kids begin to internalize that it is okay to experience a range of emotions and that they have choices and limits in terms of how they behave. 


Involving our children in the conversation is essential. They might need help voicing or expressing their emotions and anxieties so worries don’t stay hidden inside where they can easily proliferate. Most importantly, we need to help ensure that children don’t keep avoiding whatever is causing them stress or anxiety. Our teachers believe that students benefit from feeling AND doing. We love to see students accomplish activities within an encouraging community where each student is recognized for their strengths.


Getting Back Into the Rhythm


Healthy routines are important for older children and teens, who need structure and predictability to offset the stress associated with the changes they begin to experience in their social lives, their bodies, and even their emotional experiences. With all the disruptions of the pandemic, we need to be especially sensitive to the importance of following through and following up. Our children need us, as adults, to hold consistent, firm, and kind boundaries, so that they can feel secure and settled. 


From regular sleep and predictable mornings to completing chores and finishing assignments, routines can be the guide. With older children and teens, we also need to engage in respectful, curious conversations about what causes them to feel stressed, tired, or overwhelmed. Ideally, we are encouraging our young people to take an active role in planning routines that will help them manage themselves better. If we brainstorm with our kids and write down the plan together, we can more easily revisit what is going well and what might need to be modified. Also be sure to celebrate the wins and compassionately communicate if something isn’t working well.


Above all, our young people need our patience and understanding. This requires us, as adults, to remain present and supportive. If concerns arise, we can work in harmony to compassionately identify possible problems and strategize practical solutions. 


We all need a helping hand.

 

To see how we support students' emotional regulation, social development, and intellectual engagement, come visit our school. We love to share what we do!

Child reaching for an object,
By Rebecca Lingo January 26, 2026
Learn how the Montessori Absorbent Mind empowers young children to effortlessly absorb language, culture, and behavior, and how parents can nurture it.
Children outside a building; title
By Suzanna Mayhugh, Lower Elementary Teacher January 19, 2026
Montessori Mayhem? Pint-Sized Pandemonium? When I give tours of the Elementary classrooms or welcome new parents to the Elementary program at Wheaton Montessori School, some parents believe that students are allowed complete freedom, as if the classrooms are a beautiful den of chaos and anarchy. Indeed, this is one of the biggest misconceptions about Montessori education. (The biggest misconception being, in my experience, that Montessori isn’t “real world” education. But as we say in our lessons, “That’s a story for another day.”) While Montessori classrooms DO give children the freedoms they require and deserve, it’s not an unlimited free-for-all with an adult watching from an observation chair! Freedom is always balanced with responsibility, to oneself and to the community. These values, freedom and responsibility, are essential for creating a happy, busy, humming classroom where children thrive. What Does Freedom Mean in Our Classroom? “Freedom” in the classroom means that students are encouraged to make choices about their learning. Just as in our Primary classrooms at Wheaton Montessori School, students are free to choose their work, their seat, and their work partners. They are free to move about the classroom and do not need to raise their hands to visit the restroom, get a drink of water, or ask a question. Let’s look at a few of these freedoms more closely. Students are Free to Choose Their Work. For example, they may choose which book to read, choose a work partner to research a chosen topic, or practice a tricky bit of a lesson over and over. They are also able to choose how they will show their understanding. They might present their understanding through a poster, a diorama, a model, a handmade book, or an enormous amount of cardboard and hot glue. These choices empower students to take charge of their education and express themselves in ways that suit their interests and strengths, something a standardized test or a worksheet can never do. However, freedom in the classroom ALWAYS has limits. For example, students are free to choose their work, but choosing NOT to work is not an option. They are free to choose their work from the lessons that have been presented to them. While students may choose their reading material, it must be appropriate for their reading level and classroom guidelines. When students select a partner, they must do so respectfully and inclusively. When students create projects and work output, they must do so with care, make proper use of materials, and in a way that shows what they understand about their topic. Additionally, these choices should never disrupt their own learning and construction, or that of their peers. The Role of Responsibility In a true Montessori classroom, freedom comes with responsibility. And that responsibility can sometimes be uncomfortable at first. Students are expected to care for classroom materials, such as returning books and lesson materials to the shelf, taking part in classroom jobs, keeping a record of their work in their work journals, and handling art supplies properly. They are responsible for practicing their lessons and completing chosen follow-up work, listening attentively during lessons or when a classmate is sharing a presentation or thought, and helping classmates when needed and available. A student is not free to use materials in a way that damages or wastes the classroom supplies or puts anyone in harm’s way. Freedom within our classroom never allows for harming oneself, others, or the classroom materials. Healthy boundaries, limits, and structures are consistently communicated in advance with clarity and respect, ensuring practicality and alignment within the community. Classroom expectations and rules are collaboratively developed and agreed upon by the community. In order to foster a positive learning environment, both students and teachers are expected to adhere to the shared expectations and responsibilities. When necessary, the classroom adult will address students and reiterate expectations and boundaries in a firm yet considerate manner. This balanced approach is effective only when maintained consistently throughout each day. What Might it Look Like When the Balance Needs to Shift? The adults in the classroom are constantly observing the children to be sure that each child has as much freedom as they are ready for, providing them space, room, and opportunities to show their strengths, and make their own choices throughout the day. When that freedom is too much, a teacher might need to provide more lessons in how to use materials that have been damaged or used improperly, limit work partner choices, or have a student sit with the teacher while they practice lessons or work with precious art materials. The adults will be watching for the perfect moment to allow the child increased freedom within the classroom, and within the limits of the understood responsibilities. How Freedom and Responsibility Work Together Finding the right mix of freedom and responsibility is something we work on together every day in our classroom. Montessori teachers are specially trained to guide this balance, helping students practice important skills like making good choices, solving problems, and learning self-control. When children are trusted to make decisions, they also learn to take responsibility for those choices. Experiencing the natural consequences of their actions helps them become kind, thoughtful, and capable members of their community who understand how their choices affect others. What Does This Have to Do with Parents? Your support at home makes a big difference. By working together, we can help your child thrive both at school and at home. Encouraging your child to take responsibility for their actions and decisions reinforces what they learn in class. Yes, it can be uncomfortable, but it is necessary. It also becomes easier, more comfortable, and needs to be practiced less often when practiced consistently (like most things!). This supportive consistency across settings, at home and at school, helps children feel confident, cared for, and increasingly independent.