Potty Training
Montessori Thrive • January 16, 2023

Rebecca Lingo, Head of School at Wheaton Montessori School, shares her thoughts on potty-training requirements for preschool children.

 

Potty-training requirements for preschool can be a huge disservice to children.

 

Children who excel in academic and social situations may be held back or excluded for not having this ONE skill mastered. At Wheaton Montessori School, learning to use the restroom is just one skill out of many that we help your child learn. It is not the determining factor for your child’s success in life.

 

Why I’m not worried about your child being potty-trained at Wheaton Montessori School

Recently, a local doctor told me how she and her husband stumbled upon a Montessori preschool program for their young son, nearly twenty years ago.

 

Their son was having trouble potty-training. He was bright, sociable, curious, happy, and clever. He just had trouble with toilet-training. And as a result, he was going to be excluded from the next year’s preschool class, a traditional classroom with a hard-line requirement on children being out of diapers and pull-ups. The parents, both doctors, were embarrassed. Why couldn’t they figure it out? Why couldn’t they get through to their son, who was so smart and clever? Was something wrong with their son?


Knowing he wouldn’t be allowed to advance to the next class level, they started looking for options outside of a traditional preschool environment. One option they found was a Montessori preschool. When they explained that they were calling because of their previous school’s hard-line potty-training requirement, they were told immediately, as we tell parents who call us with the same concern, “I am not worried at all about your son not being potty-trained.”

 

Potty-training is big work for a child.

 

Potty-training and learning proper bathroom behavior is huge work for a young child. Like reading, some children learn it early and easily. Others need more practice and time.



Excluding a child that’s ready for academic challenges, social stimulation, and experience outside the home because of potty-training only hurts the child. At Wheaton Montessori, we worry more that your child is provided with work that they’re capable of at the right time. We worry more that they’re enrolling at the age at which their curiosity is peaking. We worry more that they’re working on what they’re developmentally ready for and able to master.

 

Back to the doctor’s son: She reported that Montessori was a perfect fit for their family. Her son leads a successful life as an adult. She and her husband learned to accept him for who he is and what he’s capable of in each moment.

 

This is our goal in a Montessori environment: helping your child develop into highly capable adults prepared for the real world. Proper toileting behaviors, a big part of this, will happen in time. But that timing is different for each child.

 

I invite you to come and learn more about our school and our developmentally designed education methods through a one on one tour. To RSVP for our Parent Discovery Night on Thursday, January 19 at 6:00pm please follow this link

 

Already a parent here? No need to RSVP, we’ve got you in the count. We would love to hear from you what you experienced around potty training or other skills leading to independence. Send us your stories to discover@wheatonmontessori.org.

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To all the grandparents and grandfriends in our lives, with deepest gratitude: Thank you for being our family’s anchor, for your steady love, your wisdom, and for helping not just our children and adolescents, but us as parents and teachers feel supported. You are more than relatives; you are part of our community’s village. You are living bridges between today’s children and the deeper wisdom of experience. You are the unconditional love we need as grandchildren and are the support that we need as parents. Thank you. We see you holding a steady hand through the messy, emotional, and unpredictable work of raising children and adolescents. When one cries, whines, rebels, or acts out, thank you for not leaping to worst-case conclusions. You have seen the cycles, weathered the storms, and understand how often childhood’s turbulence is normal and simply requires time. Your calm confidence reminds us to trust the process. We are grateful. You embody calm truths. You offer a presence that affirms even when the young ones puzzle us or the adolescents forget “important” things. Having played this game before, you offer a comforting confidence in each child, adolescent, and young adult. You believe in us and our dreams. You know that children grow, heal, learn—and that today’s discomforts often resolve into tomorrow’s strength. Thank you for the meals you cook, the stories you tell, the adventures you lead, the rides you offer, the educational choices you support, the tears you soothe, the self-doubts you ease, and perhaps most of all, the patient witnessing of childhood, adolescence, and young adulthood unfolding. You show us, grandchildren, caregivers, parents, and teachers alike, that we are not alone. Thank you for being keepers of continuity and reminding us that a struggle today is full of promise, young humans becoming who they are meant to be. Because of you, we are reassured that someone believes deeply in who we will each become. You accept us in our imperfections as we grow, and you show us how to live with grace. We are so grateful for all of you, our neighbors, chosen relatives, and family by bond and by love. Thank you, grandparents and grand friends. Your perspective is a gift beyond measure. During our annual Grandparents’ and Grandfriends’ Day on Tuesday, November 25, at Wheaton Montessori School, we honor the grandparents and grandfriends who have touched our lives with their love, wisdom, and stories. This special day celebrates the generations who inspire, guide, and shape our children with their experiences and care.