Keeping the Big Picture in Mind
Rebecca Lingo • September 16, 2024

As parents, we want the best for our children. It hurts when they encounter setbacks or challenges. When they experience frustration or failure, we want to fix things, so they don’t suffer. 


Lessons Learned


However, a safe amount of discomfort is part of how we grow and learn. In fact, mistakes and failures have several benefits including an increase in self-confidence, creative thinking, problem-solving, and patience. 


When children learn that they can overcome obstacles (with just the amount of help necessary from teachers), they build self-confidence and are more willing to challenge themselves in new activities. In addition, when children experiment and have room for error, they explore and create new approaches, which leads to flexibility and expansive thinking. During the first week of school, our adolescent teacher quoted one of her 9th graders for pointing out how a politician had corrected a past mistake because everyone really does make them.


Success requires time and continuous effort. When children aren’t afraid of failure, they understand that progressing isn’t always a straight line. Rather than being afraid and giving up when faced with difficulties, children are more willing to take a circuitous route, try different directions, or experiment with diverse options. This process also helps children develop logical thinking skills and the ability to solve problems confidently.


Home and School Partnership


Our children can reap these benefits when we stay in communication about challenges that may arise. Whether social, emotional, academic, or intellectual, it’s inevitable that our children will experience some level of difficulty at some point in their school years. Our hope is that we can work as partners to identify any challenges or areas of discomfort, and also provide the structure, freedom, patience, and confidence to allow kids the opportunity to struggle. 


We hope to work with you as partners in communicating with children about potential challenges they may face in social, emotional, academic, or intellectual aspects during their school years. Our teamwork involves identifying problems, guiding, and empowering children to overcome challenges with a blend of structure, freedom, patience, and confidence.


At Wheaton Montessori School, we are professionally trained to observe children, balancing both a deep awareness of developmental milestones and the knowledge that individual children have their own pace and trajectory. We recognize that some children may need additional support either to stay challenged or to avoid extreme frustration. We also want to make sure we aren’t rushing in too soon to rescue them, which can lead to a decrease in self-confidence and resilience. 


We ask you to trust the process while also staying in dialogue with us about your hopes and fears for your child. Conversely, we commit to communicating what we observe about your child’s progress and areas for growth. 


Over the many years of schooling and parenting, we’ve found that an investment in longer-term learning and growth necessitates tolerance for some shorter-term disappointment. 


Communication Road Map


Good communication is the heart of positive partnerships! To that end, we offer tips for cultivating and maintaining this long-term relationship in support of your child(ren). We rely upon timely communication and want to respect everyone’s busy lives. If something comes up, please don’t hesitate to reach out to us to share what is on your mind. We want to better understand what your child is experiencing or any concerns you have. 


We also ask that you consider a big-picture perspective. If your child complains about something bad happening, take a deep breath and acknowledge that they might need to let off some steam or just feel some big emotions. Listen without judgment and reflect on what you hear. Once they are done, you can ask if they want some help solving the problem or communicating with someone at school. 


It helps to think about how to set the stage for your child to be their own self-advocate. If they want help, you can offer to brainstorm solutions. We love to give your child a chance to approach things first by sharing it with the teachers, or even role-play how to handle the situation differently or let a teacher know “I was talking to my parents about …”. Often, though, our children just need to let out their upset or frustration so they can move on with their day. They need us, as parents, to be a safe place to vent.


When or if you do contact the school, please let us know if your child is aware that you are sharing your concerns or observations so we can approach the situation with the utmost respect and care. 


It’s also important to remember that as adults, we are constantly modeling for our children. Approaching even challenging circumstances with thoughtfulness, care, and goodwill shows our children how they can tackle tough situations with grace. Verbalize for your children your compassionate and encouraging self-talk statements.


Long-Term Goals


When we talk about what we want for our children, we often discover common themes. We want our children to be adaptable, passionate, inquisitive, kind, and hard-working. We want them to be creative and confident in their own abilities. We want them to be self-reliant and independent, while also collaborating with others and learning from those with different perspectives. We want them to live and celebrate peaceful lives, and to live with a sense of purpose. 


While we don’t enjoy our children struggling, one of the most important things we can offer them is the chance to confront and work through challenges. We commit to being your partner in this process. 


Current families mark your calendars for the opening of our classroom observations starting on October 9, 2024. In the meantime, connect with us about how we can work together.


Prospective families are invited to visit our school by clicking on this link or the green Schedule a Tour button on the upper right hand corner on this page. 


Child reaching for an object,
By Rebecca Lingo January 26, 2026
Learn how the Montessori Absorbent Mind empowers young children to effortlessly absorb language, culture, and behavior, and how parents can nurture it.
Children outside a building; title
By Suzanna Mayhugh, Lower Elementary Teacher January 19, 2026
Montessori Mayhem? Pint-Sized Pandemonium? When I give tours of the Elementary classrooms or welcome new parents to the Elementary program at Wheaton Montessori School, some parents believe that students are allowed complete freedom, as if the classrooms are a beautiful den of chaos and anarchy. Indeed, this is one of the biggest misconceptions about Montessori education. (The biggest misconception being, in my experience, that Montessori isn’t “real world” education. But as we say in our lessons, “That’s a story for another day.”) While Montessori classrooms DO give children the freedoms they require and deserve, it’s not an unlimited free-for-all with an adult watching from an observation chair! Freedom is always balanced with responsibility, to oneself and to the community. These values, freedom and responsibility, are essential for creating a happy, busy, humming classroom where children thrive. What Does Freedom Mean in Our Classroom? “Freedom” in the classroom means that students are encouraged to make choices about their learning. Just as in our Primary classrooms at Wheaton Montessori School, students are free to choose their work, their seat, and their work partners. They are free to move about the classroom and do not need to raise their hands to visit the restroom, get a drink of water, or ask a question. Let’s look at a few of these freedoms more closely. Students are Free to Choose Their Work. For example, they may choose which book to read, choose a work partner to research a chosen topic, or practice a tricky bit of a lesson over and over. They are also able to choose how they will show their understanding. They might present their understanding through a poster, a diorama, a model, a handmade book, or an enormous amount of cardboard and hot glue. These choices empower students to take charge of their education and express themselves in ways that suit their interests and strengths, something a standardized test or a worksheet can never do. However, freedom in the classroom ALWAYS has limits. For example, students are free to choose their work, but choosing NOT to work is not an option. They are free to choose their work from the lessons that have been presented to them. While students may choose their reading material, it must be appropriate for their reading level and classroom guidelines. When students select a partner, they must do so respectfully and inclusively. When students create projects and work output, they must do so with care, make proper use of materials, and in a way that shows what they understand about their topic. Additionally, these choices should never disrupt their own learning and construction, or that of their peers. The Role of Responsibility In a true Montessori classroom, freedom comes with responsibility. And that responsibility can sometimes be uncomfortable at first. Students are expected to care for classroom materials, such as returning books and lesson materials to the shelf, taking part in classroom jobs, keeping a record of their work in their work journals, and handling art supplies properly. They are responsible for practicing their lessons and completing chosen follow-up work, listening attentively during lessons or when a classmate is sharing a presentation or thought, and helping classmates when needed and available. A student is not free to use materials in a way that damages or wastes the classroom supplies or puts anyone in harm’s way. Freedom within our classroom never allows for harming oneself, others, or the classroom materials. Healthy boundaries, limits, and structures are consistently communicated in advance with clarity and respect, ensuring practicality and alignment within the community. Classroom expectations and rules are collaboratively developed and agreed upon by the community. In order to foster a positive learning environment, both students and teachers are expected to adhere to the shared expectations and responsibilities. When necessary, the classroom adult will address students and reiterate expectations and boundaries in a firm yet considerate manner. This balanced approach is effective only when maintained consistently throughout each day. What Might it Look Like When the Balance Needs to Shift? The adults in the classroom are constantly observing the children to be sure that each child has as much freedom as they are ready for, providing them space, room, and opportunities to show their strengths, and make their own choices throughout the day. When that freedom is too much, a teacher might need to provide more lessons in how to use materials that have been damaged or used improperly, limit work partner choices, or have a student sit with the teacher while they practice lessons or work with precious art materials. The adults will be watching for the perfect moment to allow the child increased freedom within the classroom, and within the limits of the understood responsibilities. How Freedom and Responsibility Work Together Finding the right mix of freedom and responsibility is something we work on together every day in our classroom. Montessori teachers are specially trained to guide this balance, helping students practice important skills like making good choices, solving problems, and learning self-control. When children are trusted to make decisions, they also learn to take responsibility for those choices. Experiencing the natural consequences of their actions helps them become kind, thoughtful, and capable members of their community who understand how their choices affect others. What Does This Have to Do with Parents? Your support at home makes a big difference. By working together, we can help your child thrive both at school and at home. Encouraging your child to take responsibility for their actions and decisions reinforces what they learn in class. Yes, it can be uncomfortable, but it is necessary. It also becomes easier, more comfortable, and needs to be practiced less often when practiced consistently (like most things!). This supportive consistency across settings, at home and at school, helps children feel confident, cared for, and increasingly independent.