Curiosity Over Commands
Rebecca Lingo • August 11, 2025

“Try this.” “Do that.” While our intentions are good, our children’s responses are not always what we hope. Depending upon the situation, they may get overwhelmed, respond with resistance, or even shut down.


Advice, even when helpful, isn’t always what’s needed in the moment. What often works better (with children and even adults) is a different kind of support.


The Power of Curiosity Questions


Invite children into the problem-solving process. Curiosity questions shift the dynamic from a command-and-control approach to one of collaboration.


Here are a few examples of curiosity questions:


  • “What’s happening?”
  • “What would you like to have happen?”
  • “How can I help?”


By asking instead of telling, we give our children space to think, feel, and take ownership. Their brains remain engaged in a calm, reflective state rather than flipping into fight-or-flight mode. Even more importantly, children start to feel capable because their ideas and feelings are valued.



Why This Matters


Moments of frustration or challenge are inevitable. And we want our children to have these experiences so they know they can manage and move through them. Whether it’s struggling with a seatbelt, navigating friendship dynamics, or facing academic pressures, children need tools to navigate difficult moments


A key part of maturing is becoming more comfortable with discomfort.

When we rush to solve every problem or mitigate every source of discomfort, we prevent opportunities for children to build emotional resilience, strengthen communication skills, cultivate problem-solving skills and independence, and foster mutual respect.


Show Genuine Interest


Children are incredibly perceptive and can sense when a question is loaded or when it's a subtle way of getting them to do what we want. Curiosity questions are most powerful when they come from a place of authentic wonder and care. Ask because you want to understand their experience.


Create a Calm First Atmosphere


When children are in the middle of a meltdown, they aren’t able to process language-based information. If they (or we) are emotionally flooded, focus on calming and making connection first. “I can see this is really frustrating. Let’s take a breath. We can talk about it when we’re both ready.” The focus becomes everyone feeling regulated.


Avoid Accusatory Language


Children are also incredibly sensitive to undertones of blame. Even well-meant questions can come across as judgmental if delivered with irritation, sarcasm, or disbelief. Focus on gathering information with empathy and openness. We want to avoid “Why did you…?” This feels like an interrogation. It’s best to frame questions to understand. When we listen, we should aim to do so actively. Phrases to have in the toolbox could include, “Tell me more about that,” or “Why do you think that happened?” Patience and silence are powerful parts of the process, giving our children time to think and respond.


For the Road Ahead


Curiosity questions are a cornerstone of respectful, connection-based parenting. We’ll face plenty of moments when instinct tells us to jump in and take control. However, sometimes the most empowering thing we can do is slow down and get curious. With just a few simple questions, we can help our children feel calm, capable, and connected. In the process, we also remind ourselves that guidance doesn’t always mean having all the answers.


To learn about more examples of effective and respectful guidance, schedule a time to visit our school!


Pro-Tip: Search our blogs for more parenting hacks – We know you are doing your best, and getting mixed messages all over social media is confusing. Let us help clear the muddy waters with our curated posts.


How Your Young Children Learn and Why It Matters
By Rebecca Lingo February 23, 2026
How Your Young Children Learn and Why It Matters Your young children learn by actively constructing themselves through purposeful work. From birth through age six, learning is not passive or instructional. It is driven from within your child, supported by responsive adults like you and all of my colleagues. This internal passion to learn is also boosted through the campus design and surroundings. Every movement, repetition, and exploration is meaningful work that builds the child’s body, mind, language, and sense of self. How learning happens Active construction through work: Your young children learn by doing. Don’t we all! Movement, using the hands, exploring real materials, and repeating challenging tasks are how the brain develops. This work must be meaningful and appropriately challenging, not busy work. Movement and the hand: Development of walking, balance, and refined hand use is foundational. Your children of all ages need freedom to move and manipulate real objects to fully develop coordination, concentration, and foundational academics like writing and adding. Language through relationship: Language develops through reciprocal human interactions. Rich spoken language, conversation, naming the world, and storytelling are essential. Wheaton Montessori School eliminates screens and background noise to highlight communication. Sensorial exploration of reality: Your children learn the world through their senses. Touching, comparing, carrying, observing, and interacting with real things builds the foundation for imagination, reasoning, and abstract thinking later. Authentic Montessori immerses us in exploration and discovery. Sensitive periods: Your children pass through brief, powerful windows of heightened interest and ability, such as for language, movement, social behavior, etc. Wheaton Montessori School teachers observe and offer the right experience at the right time. Learning happens easily and joyfully and feels like play! Concentration and normalization: When your children are connected to meaningful work that they choose themselves and repeat, they develop deep concentration, self-regulation, delight in effort, and care for others. Why This Is Important Early experiences shape lifelong learning: Early experiences lay the neurological, emotional, and social foundation for everything that follows. Missed opportunities are harder to recover: Skills learned during ideal stages are acquired with ease. When these periods are missed, learning later requires more effort and frustration. My colleagues are passionate about tailoring lessons and their classrooms to match child development (and adolescent development, too!) Strong foundations support later independence: Your children deserve rich early support leading to confident, capable, socially aware, and academically prepared people. Well-supported children become well-adjusted humans: This approach supports not just academic readiness, but the development of secure, courteous, empathetic children who care about their community and the world. In short, your children learn best when they are trusted as active learners, supported by attentive adults, and given real, challenging work at the right time. Investing in this early foundation supports not only your child’s success in school, but their lifelong well-being and ability to thrive.
Be Quiet and Sit Still
By Rebecca Lingo February 16, 2026
At Wheaton Montessori School, your child is guided by highly trained professionals who deeply understand child and adolescent development. Every day, thoughtful structures and intentional practices support students in using their intellect, curiosity, time, and choices successfully, so they can grow into capable, self-directed individuals. Dr. Maria Montessori never equated being “good” with silence or stillness. Our teachers do not equate being well-behaved with being quiet and sitting still. In fact, like Dr. Montessori, we believe that movement, communication, and social interaction are essential to learning. When you observe a classroom at Wheaton Montessori School, you’ll see exactly that: children moving purposefully, talking with peers, collaborating, and responsibly managing their academic work throughout the day. What may look like “freedom” on the surface is actually built upon a strong underlying structure. Students experience a sense of choice, what to work on, where to sit, how long to engage, and who to collaborate with, because the environment has been carefully prepared to support those decisions. The Power of Structure and Grace The foundation of our campus is made up of proactive lessons called Grace and Courtesy . These lessons explicitly teach students how to: Set up and return materials Respect others’ space and work Ask to observe a peer’s work Acknowledge feelings and resolve conflict respectfully These shared lessons give everyone a common language and reference point for living and learning together. Older or more experienced students model appropriate behavior, creating classrooms full of young teachers, not just the adults guiding the environment. Students always have opportunities to challenge themselves or to take a healthy break. They work and play with materials they are developmentally ready to use, ensuring success while still encouraging growth. Not a Free-For-All: A Thoughtfully Designed Community Authentic Montessori environments are often misunderstood as unstructured. In reality, our campus is carefully designed to meet the developmental needs of preschool children through high school freshmen. The structure is natural, respectful, and aligned with who children and adolescents truly are. We know learners may still experience frustration, regret, and disappointment at times. Those moments are part of learning. When a child sits beside a teacher to regroup, it may feel like a “time out” to them, but it is actually a moment of support, reflection, and connection within a safe community. When challenging behaviors arise, our teachers respond with empathy and expertise. They understand that all behavior communicates a need. Rather than relying on rewards or punishments, teachers may guide a child toward a break, offer work that better meets their developmental needs, or help them return to a centered and purposeful state. Growing Self-Discipline From the Inside Out At Wheaton Montessori School, self-discipline and regulation develop through meaningful activity. Expected behavior grows through practice within a warm, structured community. Curiosity sparks interest, interest fuels focus, and focus leads toward mastery. This process contributes to valorization, your child’s growing sense of confidence, capability, and belonging. Children who feel balanced and respected naturally behave with greater care for themselves, others, and their environment. This sums up Dr. Montessori’s limits in three rules: care for yourself, care for others, and care for your surroundings. The true outcome of this work is human development: your child and adolescent’s identity, agency, purpose, and love of learning. When they understand big ideas and see themselves as capable contributors, they grow in ways that last a lifetime.