Curiosity Over Commands

“Try this.” “Do that.” While our intentions are good, our children’s responses are not always what we hope. Depending upon the situation, they may get overwhelmed, respond with resistance, or even shut down.

Advice, even when helpful, isn’t always what’s needed in the moment. What often works better (with children and even adults) is a different kind of support.

The Power of Curiosity Questions

Invite children into the problem-solving process. Curiosity questions shift the dynamic from a command-and-control approach to one of collaboration.

Here are a few examples of curiosity questions:

“What’s happening?”
“What would you like to have happen?”
“How can I help?”

By asking instead of telling, we give our children space to think, feel, and take ownership. Their brains remain engaged in a calm, reflective state rather than flipping into fight-or-flight mode. Even more importantly, children start to feel capable because their ideas and feelings are valued.

Why This Matters

Moments of frustration or challenge are inevitable. And we want our children to have these experiences so they know they can manage and move through them. Whether it’s struggling with a seatbelt, navigating friendship dynamics, or facing academic pressures, children need tools to navigate difficult moments

A key part of maturing is becoming more comfortable with discomfort.

When we rush to solve every problem or mitigate every source of discomfort, we prevent opportunities for children to build emotional resilience, strengthen communication skills, cultivate problem-solving skills and independence, and foster mutual respect.

Show Genuine Interest

Children are incredibly perceptive and can sense when a question is loaded or when it's a subtle way of getting them to do what we want. Curiosity questions are most powerful when they come from a place of authentic wonder and care. Ask because you want to understand their experience.

Create a Calm First Atmosphere

When children are in the middle of a meltdown, they aren’t able to process language-based information. If they (or we) are emotionally flooded, focus on calming and making connection first. “I can see this is really frustrating. Let’s take a breath. We can talk about it when we’re both ready.” The focus becomes everyone feeling regulated.

Avoid Accusatory Language

Children are also incredibly sensitive to undertones of blame. Even well-meant questions can come across as judgmental if delivered with irritation, sarcasm, or disbelief. Focus on gathering information with empathy and openness. We want to avoid “Why did you…?” This feels like an interrogation. It’s best to frame questions to understand. When we listen, we should aim to do so actively. Phrases to have in the toolbox could include, “Tell me more about that,” or “Why do you think that happened?” Patience and silence are powerful parts of the process, giving our children time to think and respond.

For the Road Ahead

Curiosity questions are a cornerstone of respectful, connection-based parenting. We’ll face plenty of moments when instinct tells us to jump in and take control. However, sometimes the most empowering thing we can do is slow down and get curious. With just a few simple questions, we can help our children feel calm, capable, and connected. In the process, we also remind ourselves that guidance doesn’t always mean having all the answers.

To learn about more examples of effective and respectful guidance, schedule a time to visit our school!

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People in a classroom setting, the Lighthouse Parenting & Montessori with the guiding the child tag line below it.

Lighthouse Parenting & Montessori: Guiding the Child

By Rebecca Lingo • November 10, 2025

In a world where parenting and education often default to over-scheduling, micromanaging, and high-stakes achievement, two philosophies stand out for their balance, wisdom, and deep respect for the child: Lighthouse Parenting, coined by Dr. Kenneth Ginsburg, a pediatrician and adolescent medicine specialist. The Montessori Method, developed by Dr. Maria Montessori, an Italian physician and educator. At first glance, one is a parenting model and the other an educational framework. But look more closely, and you'll find they share a profound common ground: both recognize that children thrive not when they're controlled, but when they're guided with care, clarity, and trust. The Shared Philosophy: Respect, Trust, and Autonomy Lighthouse Parenting teaches us to be the calm, steady presence in a child’s life. Like a lighthouse, a parent offers safety and guidance—but doesn’t steer the ship. Children are allowed to make choices, face challenges, and learn from experience, while knowing there’s a safe harbor when needed. Montessori education emphasizes the prepared environment, freedom within limits, and the role of the adult as a guide, not a director. The child is seen as naturally curious and capable, needing space, not pressure, to reach their full potential. Both approaches believe that children learn best when: They feel safe and supported (emotional security). They are given appropriate freedom (autonomy). They are trusted to be capable of growth (respect). How Lighthouse Parenting Mirrors Montessori Principles Let’s explore specific parallels between the two approaches:

After Number Rods: Growing a Felt Understanding of Mathematics

By Kelly Jonelis and Rebecca Lingo • November 3, 2025

In Montessori classrooms, mathematical understanding begins long before symbols or equations appear. It begins in the body. When young children carry Number Rods—red and blue wooden bars of increasing length—they are not merely learning to count. They are internalizing what quantity feels like. The rods show quantities in a fixed, linear, and measurable form—not loose, individual, or separate units. This difference is subtle but powerful. In many conventional early math settings, children are shown three buttons or four apples and asked, “How many?” Montessori children certainly have those experiences too, through materials like Cards and Counters. But the Number Rods introduce something more abstract: quantity as something continuous and measurable. A rod of six is one solid piece, not six separate ones. It represents a fixed magnitude that can be compared, combined, or measured—laying the foundation for the number line, for operations, and for the idea that numbers express magnitude as well as count. “This concept can be compared to an eight-ounce glass of water: you don’t have eight separate ounces, you have a glass that is eight ounces. It’s a whole quantity, not a sum of parts. Likewise, the Number Rods offer children an experience of number as a unified magnitude. The “six” rod is not three twos or two threes; it is simply six. That understanding, that a number can be both composed and whole, bridges a crucial conceptual gap for later mathematics.” Kelly Jonelis, Adolescent Program Director and Math Teacher Through countless experiences—carrying, comparing, building stair patterns, and making “ten combinations”—children begin to feel relationships between numbers. They see that five is longer than three by exactly two, and that these relationships are consistent and reliable. This concrete sense of equivalence and proportion quietly becomes the basis of estimation, measurement, and algebraic thinking. Even extensions like “memory games” or exploring one meter in length serve a larger purpose. The child’s repeated interactions with fixed quantities help them internalize what Montessori called “materialized abstraction.” They are learning, through movement and perception, what it means for a quantity to exist in space and time—a step far deeper than counting individual items.