Moving Away from How Was Your Day?
Rebecca Lingo • September 18, 2023

When we pick up our children from school, it can be so tempting to ask, “How was your day?” Often the responses are pretty lackluster. 


As adults, we can likely relate. If a partner or friend asks about our day, our responses may be along the lines of fine, good, tiring, okay. Sometimes we just don’t feel like rehashing the day! 


For children, there can also be an element of not always having the language to explain what they did or experienced. In Montessori environments, this can be even more challenging. How can a young child describe the sensorial experience of carrying each block of the pink tower to a rug and creating a geometric tower of cubes based on the decimal system? Or convey their emerging conversation with a friend during community lunch? Or relate their delight in discovering that ten 10s create a hundred square?


As children get a little older, they are also starting to grapple with figuring out their relationships with peers, which involves so many social nuances. Younger elementary-aged children are still seeing these relationships in black and white. So their descriptions of the day may be pretty two-dimensional: someone was mean or nice, the day was good or bad (usually based on an interaction with a friend), etc.


It can be hard for children to talk about their experiences at school. However, if we shift our approach, we can often get more insight into our children’s experiences.


Ideally, we focus on connection first. When we see our children at the end of the school day, we can greet them in a way that conveys how happy we are to see them. They may be tired, need to fall apart a little, have a snack, or just have a little time for rejuvenation. Allow a little loving space. Each child has a different way they feel fueled, loved, seen, and held. That first moment isn’t an ideal time to ask about the day because our children are transitioning into being back in our care. Plus, there is a lot going on during that transition!


Later, when our children have settled into being with us or at home, and hopefully have had a snack or a little time to decompress, we have a chance to connect about the day. However, a word of caution: questions like, “How was your day?” or “What did you do today?” are so open-ended, they can also feel overwhelming to children. 


Instead, when we focus on starting a conversation rather than digging for information, our children are more likely to open up. They also need to feel that we are completely present for their responses, which means putting down our phones, not focusing on getting everyone into or out of the car, or not being involved in something like preparing dinner. It helps when we can show with our body language that we are really listening.


In those times when you are ready to explore a conversation, we recommend trying some other kinds of questions. Here are 40 of our favorites. The first five work best for younger children.


  1. What made you feel happy today?
  2. Who did you play with today? What did you do together?
  3. Who did you sit with at snack/lunch today?
  4. What made you feel sad today?
  5. What was your favorite activity today?
  6. Did everyone have someone to play with today? Who played together?
  7. Who brought delicious food in their lunch today? What was it?
  8. What was your favorite thing in your lunch box?
  9. What games did you play at recess?
  10. What is the most popular activity at recess? Is it something you like to do? Why or why not?
  11. Did someone get in trouble at school today? How did they handle it?
  12. What did you notice today that other people probably didn’t see or pay attention to?
  13. What is something you did today that you’d love to do every day?
  14. How did someone fill your bucket today? Whose bucket did you fill?
  15. What made you feel worried today?
  16. What made your teacher smile? Did anything make your teacher frown?
  17. What were you grateful for today?
  18. If one of your classmates could be the teacher for a day, who would you want it to be? Why?
  19. What is your class or teacher’s most important rule?
  20. Who do you want to make friends with but haven’t yet? Why?
  21. What did you learn about a friend today?
  22. If aliens came to school and beamed up three kids, who do you wish they would take? Why?
  23. What did you do today that was helpful?
  24. When did you feel most proud of yourself today?
  25. What rule was the hardest to follow today?
  26. Which person in your class is your exact opposite?
  27. Who is friendly in your class? What do they do to be friendly?
  28. What did you do today that was creative?
  29. Did your teacher read to the class today? If so, what was the story or book about?
  30. What was the high point of your day? What was the low point?
  31. Was anyone in your class absent today? Do you know why they weren’t there?
  32. What is something you heard that surprised you?
  33. What is something that challenged you?
  34. What is something that you were super good at today?
  35. What compliments did you give or receive today?
  36. How were you brave today?
  37. How was your day different than yesterday?
  38. What superpower would have come in handy today?
  39. What are you looking forward to tomorrow?


After a snack, over dinner, on a walk, or before bed, try starting conversations with these kinds of questions. Notice that most of them can’t be answered with one word. 


In addition, we can also provide our own responses, which provides a model for our children and gives them some scaffolding as they are thinking about how to answer. For example, “At lunch today I sat with someone who just started working with me. We talked a lot about going hiking and I shared some of my favorite hikes.” Or “When I was about your age, we loved playing capture the flag. One of my favorite memories of this game was when…” Sharing parts of our day or some of our own school memories not only shows that we are interested in conversation, but it also gives our children a guide for how to begin.


Let us know how it goes to first connect and later start conversations with open-ended questions. If you have any conversation starters that you and your children especially love, please share them! You can also download this printable of our favorite 40 questions to keep handy for those opportune moments.


Child reaching for an object,
By Rebecca Lingo January 26, 2026
Learn how the Montessori Absorbent Mind empowers young children to effortlessly absorb language, culture, and behavior, and how parents can nurture it.
Children outside a building; title
By Suzanna Mayhugh, Lower Elementary Teacher January 19, 2026
Montessori Mayhem? Pint-Sized Pandemonium? When I give tours of the Elementary classrooms or welcome new parents to the Elementary program at Wheaton Montessori School, some parents believe that students are allowed complete freedom, as if the classrooms are a beautiful den of chaos and anarchy. Indeed, this is one of the biggest misconceptions about Montessori education. (The biggest misconception being, in my experience, that Montessori isn’t “real world” education. But as we say in our lessons, “That’s a story for another day.”) While Montessori classrooms DO give children the freedoms they require and deserve, it’s not an unlimited free-for-all with an adult watching from an observation chair! Freedom is always balanced with responsibility, to oneself and to the community. These values, freedom and responsibility, are essential for creating a happy, busy, humming classroom where children thrive. What Does Freedom Mean in Our Classroom? “Freedom” in the classroom means that students are encouraged to make choices about their learning. Just as in our Primary classrooms at Wheaton Montessori School, students are free to choose their work, their seat, and their work partners. They are free to move about the classroom and do not need to raise their hands to visit the restroom, get a drink of water, or ask a question. Let’s look at a few of these freedoms more closely. Students are Free to Choose Their Work. For example, they may choose which book to read, choose a work partner to research a chosen topic, or practice a tricky bit of a lesson over and over. They are also able to choose how they will show their understanding. They might present their understanding through a poster, a diorama, a model, a handmade book, or an enormous amount of cardboard and hot glue. These choices empower students to take charge of their education and express themselves in ways that suit their interests and strengths, something a standardized test or a worksheet can never do. However, freedom in the classroom ALWAYS has limits. For example, students are free to choose their work, but choosing NOT to work is not an option. They are free to choose their work from the lessons that have been presented to them. While students may choose their reading material, it must be appropriate for their reading level and classroom guidelines. When students select a partner, they must do so respectfully and inclusively. When students create projects and work output, they must do so with care, make proper use of materials, and in a way that shows what they understand about their topic. Additionally, these choices should never disrupt their own learning and construction, or that of their peers. The Role of Responsibility In a true Montessori classroom, freedom comes with responsibility. And that responsibility can sometimes be uncomfortable at first. Students are expected to care for classroom materials, such as returning books and lesson materials to the shelf, taking part in classroom jobs, keeping a record of their work in their work journals, and handling art supplies properly. They are responsible for practicing their lessons and completing chosen follow-up work, listening attentively during lessons or when a classmate is sharing a presentation or thought, and helping classmates when needed and available. A student is not free to use materials in a way that damages or wastes the classroom supplies or puts anyone in harm’s way. Freedom within our classroom never allows for harming oneself, others, or the classroom materials. Healthy boundaries, limits, and structures are consistently communicated in advance with clarity and respect, ensuring practicality and alignment within the community. Classroom expectations and rules are collaboratively developed and agreed upon by the community. In order to foster a positive learning environment, both students and teachers are expected to adhere to the shared expectations and responsibilities. When necessary, the classroom adult will address students and reiterate expectations and boundaries in a firm yet considerate manner. This balanced approach is effective only when maintained consistently throughout each day. What Might it Look Like When the Balance Needs to Shift? The adults in the classroom are constantly observing the children to be sure that each child has as much freedom as they are ready for, providing them space, room, and opportunities to show their strengths, and make their own choices throughout the day. When that freedom is too much, a teacher might need to provide more lessons in how to use materials that have been damaged or used improperly, limit work partner choices, or have a student sit with the teacher while they practice lessons or work with precious art materials. The adults will be watching for the perfect moment to allow the child increased freedom within the classroom, and within the limits of the understood responsibilities. How Freedom and Responsibility Work Together Finding the right mix of freedom and responsibility is something we work on together every day in our classroom. Montessori teachers are specially trained to guide this balance, helping students practice important skills like making good choices, solving problems, and learning self-control. When children are trusted to make decisions, they also learn to take responsibility for those choices. Experiencing the natural consequences of their actions helps them become kind, thoughtful, and capable members of their community who understand how their choices affect others. What Does This Have to Do with Parents? Your support at home makes a big difference. By working together, we can help your child thrive both at school and at home. Encouraging your child to take responsibility for their actions and decisions reinforces what they learn in class. Yes, it can be uncomfortable, but it is necessary. It also becomes easier, more comfortable, and needs to be practiced less often when practiced consistently (like most things!). This supportive consistency across settings, at home and at school, helps children feel confident, cared for, and increasingly independent.